It Pained Me...

I just need it to get this load off my heart, my mind, my thoughts... It is affecting me too much...

I never never expected that I would ever have any reason to go to IMH and furthermore, to visit a very good friend of mine... Not now... Not @ this age...

I got a call on the Sat morning from a good friend, X. The news that she brought me caused me literally jolted out of my bed and shook me wide awake. "K is admitted to IMH!" My good friend is admitted to IMH... How can that be? How did that happen? I am shocked... She is still so young... She was alright when I saw her 2 weeks ago... Yes, she was depressed and on medication for panic attack but not that serious to the extent of hospital admission...

So I went to see her yesterday with X. My heart went all out to her, my dearest friend.. When I saw her, she seems normal but we all can feel that she is not... She is not her usual self.. Where did her usual self go to? Now, she is just like a kid... She does what she wants subconciously... It is just like what she said to us, she is having her second childhood...

I just cant believe that my good friend has broken down like this... Like X said, she went through so much to get to where she is now and she just lack that bit--just that little bit to get all worth... Why? What has the future install for her now? So many a time I holding back my tears when I saw her yesterday. B'cos I did not want her to see me cry and she doesn't need this from me now..

I pitied her boyfriend cos apparently he does not know how to handle her. Can he live with her for life? Although it may all seems unfair to him, i just hope he endure to the end b'cos I cannot foresee what will happen if he were to leave her now.. Her world will just fall apart and come crashing down...

No one knows when she will fully recover.. When she will have a relapse.. This is a long term treatment.. She just need a quiet space to rest and recuperate..

I admit that seeing her like this, badly affected me... It just saddened me.. I was in the depressed mood the whole day.. But i am very glad that he was there for me when I am down.. He didn't try to talk me out of it.. he just let me talk and cry.. I guess what more can I ask for...

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girl, be strong.. get well.. we're all here for you.. though i know you wont see it but it is okay.. so long you can feel it, that's good enough.. see you on sat again..