getting better?

this morning i woke up feeling a little better. i dont know if i have woken up from my senses or i am just escaping from reality by trying to ignore it.

i could relate the whole story to YJ over the phone without having to sob again. i could even do with a bitter laughter... my heart still aches though... how could it be so fast? i was just tearing last night during the ktv...

sometimes i wonder if god is playing a joke on me - to let me hear our song "Tell Me Where You Are" by Ago... these are the questions that i wanted to ask...

Life without you is just right, can't you see? (really?)
i feel fine since you are gone, should i say disappeared
i keep holding all my tears since i saw you for the last time
i've been through another year (i wished..)
i must say am a strong girl (i am hoping)
but tell me where you are, where you're sleeping at night
tell me who do you love now, who do you miss now
tell me what you see when you're closing your eyes
if you ever remember i was by your side
(We could be friends thought its so hard when two lovers fall apart)

the rainbow after rain

the sky has been raining every morning since the fateful sunday. it seems that it felt my heart pain and the sorrow i am going through and weeping together with me. i told myself that the day when the sky is bright and sunny, it is the day that i will be better because that is when the rainbow will appear.

i cry and cry, hoping that the tears will wash away my memories of you, wash away my pain that you inflicted upon me. i cry myself to sleep together with coco - the only comfort i have now on the queen size bed, knowing you sleeping with her on our bed, on my side of the bed.

today is your birthday and i can do it is to wish you happy birthday in my heart and to god. you have made your choice to spend it with her. in fact, you made your choice long ago. the moment you packed me away, packed our memories away, decided to look for her in may, went to krabi with her, brought her back home, let her to sleep on my bed and let her be your female passenger seat. basically took over my position in your heart.

all the promises you made before you went on your "self journey" trip are all emptied. it no longer hold anymore. my hope and love for you dashed to powder when you decided to walk the path you chose now. Afterall there is so much love i can give.

i know no one can help me. i pray to god that if you really love her, i pray that she loves you as much as i do. i will pain but i also know god will take this pain away from me.

~happy birthday, dearz dearz~